I'VE BEEN PONDERING

Perhaps it's being in middle age, but I feel I am having more and more conversations with friends and clients about death. These are actual conversations I've had in the past week: the shock of a friend dying young, the reality that one spouse is likely to die before the other, the tragedy of unnecessary violent deaths, and the gift of being with a parent as their time comes to an end.

Of course there are also money aspects. It doesn't seem right that death should be a financial act, but it is. It's a prime example of how money can't not be emotional! One client has drawn the short straw to have an uncomfortable conversation with the sibling who is dragging their feet on settling their father's estate. A child-free couple is working on their wills, while another couple decides how much they can support their kids now vs leaving them more money after they die.

And we're all constantly balancing how to be prudent with our money in order to be kind to our future selves, along with wanting to enjoy life today. Our lifespan is limited, but as I heard Whoopie Goldberg recently say, we don't come with an expiration date stamped on our booties. That's the human condition!

A wonderful financial planner I know, who himself specializes in working with widows and caregivers and thus has many of these conversations, recently shared his learnings from the death of his father. Among his lessons are that grief is unique, inheritances are strange, and simplicity (in your financial world) makes life easier for those that need to clean up after you.

"Everything was urgent and last minute. Nothing was planned." Elliott Appel

TIMELY TOPICS

We survived tax season, whatever it looked like for you: perhaps a scramble if you're a procrastinator like me😳, or a distant memory if you always file weeks before the deadline. In a recent email my business coach said, "Taxes are the worst!" and I would agree.

Not because I disagree with taxes in principal, though I certainly wish the tax code were simpler. (Heck, I used to be a U.S. government employee; federal taxes paid my salary and benefits!) Rather because of all the work required to prepare to file that tax return. Especially as a business owner, there are just gobs of statements and receipts and numbers and reports that must be gathered and verified and compiled and shared with my CPA. It's exhausting to even think about!

As usual, the fabulous Bari Tessler, pioneer in financial therapy, has a helpful take on this money topic. In her recent blog post titled "The Compassionate Guide to Tax Day" suggests that when faced with the inevitability of taxes, we choose to treat ourselves with kindness and mindfulness.

"You can't choose when Tax Day is. But you can determine your relationship with it." Bari Tessler, financial therapist and author (and podcast guest!)

RECENT SIGHTINGS

• ​Our recent podcast episode with Nancy May covers her personal story of caring for her aging parents and everything she learned. Give a listen!
• I recommend you read everything Kerry Hannon writes, but especially this article about conversations to have when one half of a couple retires. (You can probably guess why. Yes, she quoted me. 😁)
• I loved being a guest on Women and Money: The Shit We Don't Talk About. We dug into money shame, why so many of us have it, and how to try to let it go.

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Let's Connect!

Death and taxes! What cheery topics for an email. 😜 Let's counteract that with some spring flowers. Here are a couple from my yard. What's blooming in your area right now? Send me a photo or tag us on social media @sofiafinancial. I would love to hear from you!

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